As a part-time programmer, I understand what full-time programmers go through. We code all day, and make shit money. Unlike those writer’s of Hollywood, we don’t make a dime when our software is sold. We program day and night… we don’t even look at girls because we’re so busy writing programs for the software companies. What do WE get in return? A fucking paycheck to buy a monthly supply of chicken flavored cup noodles.
So, stand up programmers.. and let us commence the new year with a fucking strike! January 1st, 2008 is the day when we all go on strike, and give our company the finger! Let’s declare a strike!
Our Demands
We have very straight forward demands. You WILL comply with everything we propose.
- 20% of all revenue will be divided equally to all programmers. You can include that in your expense in addition to our salaries.
- Our year end bonus will be 40% of all profits made, again divided equally.
- Stop treating us like we’re your dogs. We no longer will get the ball for you.
- Every quarter, provide us a prostitute of our choice. AND every month, a Thai massage with a happy ending, if you know what I mean. Mmmm, me love you long time.
That should be doable. Until our software companies come to an agreement, we shall strike! A little note to the software companies, don’t even think about outsourcing it to India… they are all members of PGI (Programmers Guild of India), and PGI is a part of PGA (Progrmmers Guild of America).
The Consequences
Listen you filthy software companies, if we don’t come to an agreement… here’s a small glimpse of what would happen:
- The earth would stop spinning. I am fucking serious! Try living without a computer for a day, you’ll know what I mean. We’ll crash your freaking hard drive before we go on strike!
- Your email doesn’t work? Go fuck yourself.
- There’s a bug in the software? Go fix it yourself, let’s see how capable you are at this stuff. Let’s put your 20 years of cock sucking skills to work.
Update 1: “speak for yourself there buddy i know many girls” Oh, really asshole… how many do you know whose name doesn’t end with “.jpg”? Huh buddy huh? “Buddy”… pfft fucking loser.
Update 2: God, you morons… this is a joke. Now, stop emailing me. Fuck.