Fuck the 25 skills every man should know… probably some woman wrote that shit. Men’s roles are significantly different and nothing like the pussified men raised by today’s single moms. We are MEN. So shut up and listen. Do you know why so many people get divorced? It’s simple, because women lack skills.
I know woman and skills don’t go in the same sentence, that’s why I am attempting to erase those stereotypes. By the end of this article, as a woman, you’ll learn your responsibilities and what is expected out of you.
#25 - Cooking Sometimes we’re more hungry than horny. Spreading your legs doesn’t always fill us up.
#24 - Cleaning Trim the lawn, keep the interior clean and make sure it always smells fresh. I was talking about your body, but also apply those skills to my house.
#23 - Laundry There’s a pile of clothes on the floor for a reason. If you see it, you should consider picking it up.
#22 - Sewing Buttons come off, clothes get teared apart. I might intentionally tear the pillow apart or rip open your buttoned shirt. Sewing will come in handy.
#21 - Ironing Yes, this is the act of pressing clothes with a heated iron. Learn it.
#20 - Manage My Calendar Manage my social calendar. I am usually busy on the day when there’s a social gathering.
#19 - Nurture The Children Nurturing includes the act of bringing up, feeding, training, and educating.
#18 - Massage I could sure use some smooth full body massage. Oh yes, step on me!
#17 - Saving Money “awww i need that purse” “awww i need those shoes”… listen, you don’t need anything. Learn to save your money. You have an asset that no man has. Let him buy you things, never buy anything with your own money. Make sure the guy’s dumb enough to buy you the stuff you need.
#16 - Google It If you don’t know, fucking Google it instead of acting all dumb and asking everyone. If Google doesn’t know the answer to your question, stop being curious.
#15 - Exercise Run until you run out of breath. There’s no excuse for not being in a good shape.
#14 - Write To A Diary “Dear Diary, you’re my best friend. You don’t talk back and you always listen.” As long as I don’t have to hear you shit, let the poor diary hear it.
#13 - Minding Your Own Business You don’t have to know EVERYTHING. Stop your turkey neck going all over and learn to mind your own business.
#12 - Self Defense HEE-YEA KA-RA-TE. Learn to throw a good kick to injure the manhood.
#11 - First Aid Putting on a bandage, giving cough medicine to kids and all that good stuff.
#10 - Gardening The plants don’t grow on their own. Learn to water them, and cut them if they are getting too wild.
#9 - Talking on the Phone By talking on the phone I don’t mean yap about shit for hours, I mean take down the message and a day later call them and tell them I can’t make it.
#8 - Open A Beer Bottle There’s nothing you can do more to impress a guy than to open a beer bottle with any of your body parts.
#7 - Looking Good for the Occasion The 20×20 bedroom has a certain dressing (or rather lack of) code, parties and gatherings have a different dressing codes. Know how to dress at someone’s kid’s birthday party.
#6 - Keeping Track of Household Items If the fridge doesn’t have any beers, don’t tell me it doesn’t have any beers… just fill it up again!!!
#5 - Learn to Paint Painting requires patience and concentration. Patience and concentration require shutting the fuck up.
#4 - Driving Without Hitting Anything This skill has to be mentioned over and over again. Cell phones, make ups, nails aren’t important when you’re driving. Is it really hard to just drive straight, I mean you can let go of the fucking steering wheel and it’ll automatically drive straight! Don’t even get me started on parallel parking.
#3 - Knowing When To Shut Up I wrote about this in one of my previous memos, know when to shut the fuck up. When I am watching TV, when I am eating, when I am talking… at these times, you should also consider stopping your broken record.
#2 - Spotting dumb guys This is very important. Anytime you want something, call your “boyfriend”. If the guy is dumb enough, he’ll buy you a car AND give you a credit card. Spotting a dumb guy isn’t hard, learn this skill and apply it to different guys at the same time.
#1 - Playing the Skin Flute Ain’t no better skill than giving a good head to your man after a hard day at work. Dinner can wait.
Women have become greedy materialistic whores. If I was around in 1900’s, world would have been a much better place.