Tech Guy Tales

Once upon a time, a dip-shit known as Rudy G was a mayor of NYC. Some turban-heads hijacked some planes and ripped New York a new hole. Fast-forward to 2008… and now this nut job wants to be president.

TG: Hey shithead why do you want to be president?
Rudy G: Umm… because… ummm… remember 9/11.. yeah!

TG: OK… So, the economy is fucked up. What do we do?
Rudy G: Well… during 9/11, when the terro…

TG: I don’t give a fuck about 9/11 now, dipshit. Joe Black needs money for the reefer and Jane Mexican needs to feed her 21 kids!!! What are you going to do?
Rudy G: Reefer is good! On 9/11….

TG: OK. Never mind. I bet you didn’t know your sister was giving me a blowjob on 9/11 too…

So let’s get to the point.

Why NOT to vote for RUDY “Douche Bag” Giuliani

1. He’s a fucking Republican, need more be said? This should be enough to end the fucking list. Hasn’t the monkey in the office fucked the country’s asshole enough?
2. Married his cousin. You fucking sick fucker!!
3. Cheated on his wife. OK this cool, way to go… a bitch is a bitch.
4. Fear Monger… With all these fucking idiots that I see everyday around me, the last thing I need is an asswipe, like you, making them shit their pants when they go to 7-11.
5. Was the mayor of New York. I’m not a fucking idiot. I know you were the fucking mayor asshole. I don’t need you constantly reminding me.
6. Has only campaigned in Florida. WTF!?!? This pisses me off. His whole campaign is a sham that is banking on the stupidity of the old gringo, stale finger, can’t punch a fucking ballot card, diaper wearing electorate. Let’s just give this fucking state to Cuba; they got enough of those fuckers there anyway.

Verdict: I say, FUCK BILLARY and Mr. 911.

From time to time, I will be writing a “Random Shit” list. It’ll be about anything I can think of to write a short paragraph or two about. Once I have five items, I’ll publish the memo. So, without further bullshit, here we go.

Apple MacBook Air

Ooooh, now you’ve done it, Steve. I still don’t get why morons by shit that don’t have replaceable batteries. First iPods, then iPhones and now this shit. I saw his keynote and it seriously sounded like he was selling a 12″ pink dildo to his fan boys. It’s great from a company’s perspective that you’ve created this Mac-fan-boy cult, but in reality your products are shitty, and only morons by them. Your new product, MacBook Air? What the fuck is that? I can’t remember last time I paid $1,700 to surf the internet. But hey, I am not a moron… maybe that’s why I don’t understand Macs-fagfan-boys.

Hillary

Let’s get the obvious out of the way: HILLARY IS A STUPID BITCH. I always wanted to say it in all caps, but never did. Bill is such a pussy… how can he let a woman use him that way. There’s two reasons why a woman would still stay with her man after he gets a head from another woman: 1. She’s desperate, and he’s fucking rich (Kobe Bryant, remember?) and 2. She’s desperate, because without him, she’s nobody. (Billy Boy.) Sometimes, I can’t figure out which one’s the bitch, Bill or Hillary. Seriously, you morons, don’t vote for her. It’s mostly women that vote for her, now you see why they didn’t allow you to vote in the beginning.

Cloverfield

So, I am in the theater, ready to watch this over hyped fucking movie. There’s this guy in front of me texting somebody, you can imagine the bright light from the cellphone in middle of a dark movie. I swear I could have choked the fucker from behind. But instead I took a popcorn out of a girl next to me, and threw it on his head… one by one. I said, “oh I am sorry, does that bother you? THEN STOP FUCKING WITH YOUR CELLPHONE!!!”

But yea… back to the movie, it fucking blew. The monster was there for 8.3 seconds and rest of the time I was too busy looking at the cleavage of the girl that I went to see the movie with. This movie has the most ridiculously stupid script ever… not a single f word was used. Are you kidding me? A giant fucking monster is 10 feet away from you and you say, “Oh my god?” There was another scene where this bitch asks, “do you know what it [the monster] is?” and the token black guy says, “no”. Brilliant.

Cellphone Bluetooth

All right, I am fucking tired of these assholes with that bluetooth shit in their ears. Are you that fucking busy that you need that shit hanging in your ears every second? Next time I see a guy wearing that shit, I am going to take that bluetooth shit and shove it deep into his throat, motherfucker.

Crosswalk Volunteers at School

You know who I am talking about… those ugly fat old ladies at the crosswalk holding the STOP sign. What the hell is that about? Is that supposed to prevent accidents? If someone is about to run into somebody, do you really think that fat lady is going to prevent the inevitable? I see no point of those people. If you really want to volunteer, help them read after school. We need to raise smarter kids, too many stupid fucking people are procreating… but that’s another topic for some other day.